Let's Talk Inclusive Language: Can I use “queer” if I'm not LGBTQ+?

Here in the US, Pride Month just ended. But every month is a good month to speak and write respectfully about members of the LGBTQ+ community. Here’s a question that touches on a word with a complicated history: queer.

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I’m writing a profile on a lesbian employee…One thing that has come up is [Employee]’s use of the word queer. I know queer isn’t as inclusive as LGBTQ+ or LGBTQIA+, however it is the term she used consistently when I talked to her. What are your thoughts on this?…

I know that some people have strong preferences over how they refer to themselves and their community, so I also want to be sensitive to [Employee]’s preference, as it is her story.

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This column gives advice specifically for people who are not members of the LGBTQ+ community (are out-group) and have been tasked with talking about the community in some way. Readers who are in-group have a different kind of license when it comes to language like queer.

Why is queer such a complicated word, and one that makes many people uneasy?

It starts with something that I call the cycle of pejoration.

In my book, I talk about the cycle of pejoration for words describing disabilities and disabled people. Because disability is a stigmatized category, the negative and stigmatizing attitudes and behaviors around disability turn originally “neutral” or technical words into negative and insulting words.

Like idiot, moron, dumb, lame, and many, many more.

So you end up with new terminology with some frequency, because the “flavor” of the formerly neutral term has become so unpleasant.

Well, LGBTQ+ identities are also highly stigmatized, so the same thing happens.

(In my lifetime, I’ve seen wider acceptance of LGBTQ+ people, including a broader recognition of the wide variety of genders and sexual orientations that have always existed but weren’t always accepted as real. And, especially in recent years, I’ve also seen a rise in hateful verbal, physical, and legal attacks on members of this community, especially transgender people. So the cultural context is dynamic and currently shifting. But a lot of that stigma is still out there.)

One word that was used as an insult for many years is queer. For many people who were called queer, the “flavor” of the word was one of threatened or actual violence.

But this word has also been “reclaimed.” Reclamation is the process when an in-group takes back a pejorative word, uses it in new ways, and changes its social meaning.

For queer, the in-group started using it in joking ways, ways that took power away from bigots. Instead of queer being a taunting and negative word, an insult used by bullies and harassers, often part of an interaction that might turn violent (or actually did turn violent), the in-group reclamation turned it into a positive term that people could identify with proudly. And much of the stigma has been removed — the first season of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is already 20 years old, so the reclamation work has been going on for a while.

The use of queer often patterns a bit younger, although I know people in their 50s who prefer it. For some people, the word was encountered in so many terribly negative ways that it just isn’t reclaimable.

Over the years, queer has evolved into a really broad umbrella term. People can be genderqueer and not just male or female. People use queer to talk about sexual orientation and not being limited to or taking part in heterosexual relationships. And people use queer to talk about alternative spaces where people can just be themselves and feel supported, where they don’t have to be “normal” or mainstream acceptable.

Here’s a write-up of LA Dyke Day that shows how complicated terminology can be, even when everyone is in-group in some way. And here’s a slightly older piece by NPR that shows that while queer has been reclaimed by some, it is still a problematic word that lands badly for others.

Here is what I recommend when writing or talking about members of this community for a general audience, one with both in-group and out-group members:

When you’re talking about experiences, groups of people, legislation, etc., stick with LGBTQ+. If you’re specifically highlighting people who are intersex, agender, or asexual, then go for the full acronym: LGBTQIA. There is a good chance that this will become the go-to in the future as members of the I and A communities get more exposure and recognition.
When you are quoting someone talking about themselves or the in-group they belong to, use the word that they used. In this profile, for this woman married to a woman, it’s queer. Later on, profiling someone similar, it might even be dyke, if we see the reclamation of that word continue and the person is young. That’s a word that is guaranteed to land differently on different people, but we want to mirror the labels people choose for themselves.

When a word like queer or dyke is part of a quote attributed to a specific person, readers will know the person being quoted is the one responsible for the word and not the author (or institution, if this is going on a website, company newsletter, etc.).

And if you want to use someone’s label outside of quotes, as part of their descriptor, you can you can say something like, “[Employee], who identifies as queer...” or “[Employee], who prefers the label queer...”

This careful use of attribution and terminology lets your readers see that you are a) respecting the choice of the person, and b) not claiming that this complicated and mostly in-group word is one that your (not specifically LGBTQ+) institution is licensed to use more generally.

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Let's Talk Inclusive Language: Can I use “queer” if I'm not LGBTQ+?

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